Face-to-face or online, what can you expect at an SBS Cumbria support meeting?
/At the heart of our work are our monthly meetings, led by our volunteers and based in different locations around Cumbria.
Each month, there are face-to-face meetings in Kendal, Barrow, Whitehaven and Carlisle and there is an online meeting on the first Thursday of each month too. The Kendal meeting often welcomes people from north Lancashire and the Carlisle group includes people from across the border into Scotland. That’s why we established the charity as Suicide Bereavement Support for Cumbria and surrounding areas. Please don’t worry if you see it shortened to SBS Cumbria – you’re still very welcome.
We hope that this blog post answers a few of your questions about our meetings.
How do I get involved?
We promote the meetings as widely as we can, including social media advertising, local posters and fliers and word of mouth too. All we ask is that, if you are bereaved by suicide and would like to join us at a meeting, you get in touch and have a brief chat with one of the facilitators first.
They’ll take a few contact details so that we can keep in touch if you want us to and you’ll be able to find out more about the timing and venue for your local meeting or get the online link. New contacts will also receive a welcome letter, which explains a little about us and highlights some of the key resources on our website.
“For the calls I pick up on, it is always with a degree of apprehension and trepidation in the knowledge that the majority of callers are going to impart the tragic news of losing a loved one to suicide. I believe being available to answer such distress calls at the worst time ever for the caller - just to be there and listen - provides the beginnings of a platform of hope that someone is there for them, willing to listen and perhaps provide a lifeline for on-going support via the various SBS self-support group meetings.”
“I believe being available at such torrid times is a privilege to all the SBS facilitators in the hope and belief we can help those bereaved by suicide to find their own ‘new normal.’” John Purdie, Trustee and Phoneline and Carlisle group volunteer
We don’t publicise meeting venue details openly to keep some confidentiality and also so that we’ve had some contact and know who to expect at each meeting.
Who else will be there?
Each local group has a facilitator to lead the session and includes others who are bereaved by suicide. That bereavement is not necessarily a family member and not always recently.
“Everyone who has lost someone important to them by the taking of their own life is welcome. It may have been recent, or decades ago, but we understand at different times on your journey you may want to be able to talk to others who have experienced the same type of loss, and that’s what we are here for.” Emily, Chair of SBS Cumbria and South Lakes facilitator
The number of other people taking part can vary from a couple of people to 12 or more, as there is no expectation for people to attend monthly or to let us know if they’re attending after the first time.
What will happen – face-to-face?
Basically, it’s all about getting to know each other, keeping things as relaxed as possible and giving people time and space to talk about their bereavement, their feelings, if they wish, or simply listen to others as they share their experiences. There is no expectation that anyone has to speak if they prefer not to.
At the start, we all (facilitators included) sign a register sheet so that we have numbers - if you don’t want to add your full name, that’s fine but the numbers are useful when we make bids for funding. This sign in sheet is also a confidentiality agreement. We understand that being suicide bereaved can leave you with a mix of emotions, including anger and guilt as well as sadness, and sometimes it’s easier to talk about these feelings in a safe place, where you know anything said won’t go out of the room. We ask everyone at our meetings to take that on board.
During the meeting, the facilitator (or others) will provide basic refreshments and may even provide cake to go with the tea and coffee (!). There could be news of other local events, organisations or resources that might be useful and facilitators will be happy to follow up on things or to signpost as needed. Face-to-face meetings are usually for a maximum of two hours.
"Foremost in my mind, when welcoming new attendees to the Carlisle group, is how much effort it has taken that person to attend a group for the first time. At a time when they are grieving, I am conscious how difficult their lives so my aim is always to be as kind and welcoming as possible. I usually text or email the person prior to the meeting just to let them know that I will be there half an hour before the start time, to greet them. I offer practical advice, such as where to park, and I always try and be at the front door to welcome everyone. At the start of the meeting, I always emphasise that they are welcome, that we offer a safe space where we can talk openly, and that everyone at the meeting understands something of what the new attendee is going through. I always emphasise that we have no agenda, that the conversation is led very much by those there that evening, and that there is absolutely no pressure for anyone to speak if they would prefer not to. I also make it clear that there is no obligation to stay for the full duration of the meeting. Once the meeting is over, I will follow up by texting or emailing the new attendee to check how they are and to confirm the further support that SBS can offer." Sharon Tweedie, Carlisle Facilitator
What will happen – online?
The online group started during the pandemic as a replacement for face-to-face and, because it proved useful for some people, it has continued in parallel with the face-to-face meetings. Like those, the online group is all about getting to know each other and giving people time and space to talk about their bereavement and their feelings if they want to and to ask any questions.
Facilitator can’t provide the refreshments, of course, but there could be news of other local events, organisations or resources to share and facilitators will be able to follow up on things or to signpost you to other support as needed. The online meetings are more flexible on time as there are no venue costs or people waiting to lock up but they usually last a similar two hours or so.
“When Covid struck in 2020, we immediately started holding Zoom meetings to ensure that we could offer a lifeline to anyone bereaved and experiencing the added isolation of the lockdown. At the time, I remember being very anxious about attempting to provide ‘self-help’ support remotely. How could it possibly work? To our surprise, it worked well, enabling people who had been bereaved to meet each other albeit remotely and offer mutual support from their own homes.”
“We now meet once a month through Zoom and average eight or so people attending the meetings.”
“If you aren’t familiar with Zoom, don’t worry. We can help you to set it up though you will need a broadband connection. As with all our support, my advice always is to give it a go – you may find it helpful.” John Brown, Trustee and online Facilitator
Do I have to have been bereaved by suicide to come along?
In the main, Yes because that is very much our focus. It doesn’t matter what relationship you had with the person who died, and we welcome friends and colleagues as well as family members who’ve been bereaved by suicide.
People come along to our meetings expecting to listen and talk to others who share elements of their experience of bereavement by suicide. If you are looking for other kinds of support with your grief or suicide prevention, there are lots of links in the Resources section of our website.
We really hope that this blog gives you a bit more information about our meetings. You can also put faces to names for some of the facilitators on the About Us page of the website. If you have any questions at all about what we do, please get in touch, either by email or phone – the contact details are in the header of our website.
