Suicide Bereavement: Reflecting on Progress - a conference report
/A brief report from our delegates to the 11th International Suicide Bereavement UK conference in Manchester
In one packed day on Thursday 22 September, researchers, motivators, healthcare workers and those bereaved by suicide gathered in Manchester to learn from each other, take stock and plan for future work.
Suicide Bereavement Support (SBS) Cumbria and the surrounding areas financially supported three delegates this year – Amber Cropley and Kitty Birtwistle from South Lakes and Frank Ritchie from Dumfries and Galloway. They attended a range of conference sessions throughout the day and browsed the exhibition hall to find out more about other organisations working in this area. Here are just a few of their insights and there is also a link to Frank’s full report in his section.
KItty, Frank and Amber at the Manchester conference
Kitty Birtwistle
The conference this year was very much focused on moving forward and providing relevant training to make that happen. The PABBS Suicide Bereavement Training was talked about a lot and, although it’s designed “to inform, guide and empower” professionals caring for those bereaved or affected by suicide, it’s clear that this one-day course would be really useful for volunteer facilitators like us and in other organisations. SBS Cumbria Trustees are already talking about how best to get involved in the courses that are planned in Newcastle and Manchester.
I think my highlights came at the very beginning and the very end of the day in the whole conference sessions:
Andy Burnham, the Mayor of Manchester, opened the event and talked about how he’s been learning so much in the past five years about the importance of mental health initiatives and specifically things that get people talking about suicide. He also recognised the pressures with cost of living increases and social media bullying. It was good to hear from someone in his position who is working to understand the issues and then make a difference.
Richard McCann was an amazing guest speaker. His personal story is horrendous with several experiences of bereavement by the suicide of close family members as well as abuse in his youth and his own experiences in prison. To hear him talk about his experiences and iCan Academy work was incredible and inspiring.
Richard McCann of iCan
The 3 Dads Walking – Andy, Mike and Tim – were conference guests later in the afternoon as they had “dropped in” during their second walk. They’re campaigning for suicide awareness and prevention to be part of schools’ National Curriculum and had already visited Belfast and Edinburgh, with Cardiff and Westminster to follow. Apparently, there’s a sea shanty recording – written specially about their walks – that will be released later in October.
All in all, I really appreciated the opportunity to attend the conference – so thanks to SBS Cumbria – and have a lot to think about and use in the months ahead.
Amber Cropley
Kitty and I took turns in making notes for the different speakers and I found the three sessions described above useful too. There were also Workshops and other presentations throughout the day and I found two of them particularly useful and thought-provoking:
Dr Kathryn Gardner from UCLAN - she had conducted research into suicide and self-harm in the North West and has been very involved in developing the PABBS training. She talked about the evaluation of this course in four groups of professionals and how the materials, content and approaches are being adapted on the basis of this research.
By 2023/24, she aims for all NHS Trusts to have trained staff and to have suicide bereavement support services that are providing timely and appropriate support. She’s very aware that having effective and accessible training is going to be fundamental to making this happen.
Dr Sharon McDonnell’s session was entitled Workplace responses when an employee dies by suicide. I was really interested in this session as I think we talk a lot about friends and family members being affected but I know that colleagues also need to be supported as they are suicide bereaved too. Added to that, since lockdown, we are even more aware that work is in our kitchens, bedrooms, living rooms and a lot of people are working together but alone at home.
Dr Hilary Causer also talked about the impact of suicide on work colleagues
Sharon’s talk included her own story of losing her brother in 1980. 4 out of her 5 family members worked in M&S in Manchester at the time. M&S let all staff from the three stores where they worked have the day off for the funeral, and really looked after her family. Sharon is keen to ensure that all workplaces have postvention protocols for loss in place so that suicide bereavement is recognised and supported as effectively as possible and over a long time.
Each speaker covered so much that it’s quite hard to summarise but it was a really interesting, if exhausting, day and all the information will be very useful in future.
Amber and Kitty with Andy Airey, one of the 3 Dads Walking
Frank Ritchie
This is an extract from Frank’s report but we’re aware that some may wish to read more. Frank’s full account of his conference experience is a powerful read as it is both personal and emotional, with references to his specific loss. It is available to read here.
I attended a conference a number of years ago, benefitting greatly from the experience in terms of ASK - Attitude, Skill and Knowledge - as I navigate my life after the death of my son Alan. This conference re-charged my bereavement batteries. However, there is always an emotional price to pay by being part of such an event.
Thursday dawned, and after an excellent bacon roll and coffee breakfast from Greggs, I set up the SBS display table and met up with Amber and Kitty.
I did try on the SBS vest they brought me. However, I now looked like a farmer about to shear sheep, so I have kept it for the Barrow event in October.
Andy Burnham, Mayor of Manchester welcomed all to the conference, and I reflected that all who campaign must engage with national and local politicians to encourage, nae, force them to be involved in issues of mental health and suicide prevention.
Richard McCann of the I CAN Academy, took to the stage as a “Motivational Presenter.” He shared his life story - a story of poverty, deprivation, abuse, crime and drugs as he fought for a better future. His mother had been murdered by The Yorkshire Ripper! He exuded positivity, just what we all needed for the day, and beyond.
I introduced myself to Steve Phillips of Jordan's Legacy/ Baton of Hope and offered my support to his “Baton of Hope Project 2023”. I have always categorised people involved in campaigning as Obsessed, Driven or Motivated. My self-protection mental morphine identifies me as Motivated, because I know my mental limitations. I do so admire people in the other categories, but they must look after their vulnerabilities.
At lunch, a volunteer with Samaritans came to my table and we talked. I asked her if her team had many delegates seeking help today. She revealed that no delegates had approached yet, however Samaritans had to engage and help some hotel staff who were not feeling good! They may have been affected by the conference subject, or their own personal issues and taken the opportunity to communicate with a Samaritan.
“When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.”
I spent some time at the table organised by an organisation called My Memory Boxes www.mymemoryboxes.co.uk. Their memory boxes bring great comfort to those who are suffering from bereavement and loss. Memory Boxes could be the perfect place where precious mementos can be safely stored and passed down through generations.
Quinn’s Retreat has a holiday home in Cumbria as well as one in County Durham
Another charity which I believe SBS members might be interested in is Quinn’s Retreat. www.quinnsretreat.org.uk This family lost their 17-year-old daughter to suicide in 2018 and, tragically, their son, Dyllon in 2019. Since then, they’ve invested in two holiday caravans in Barnard Castle and Appleby and made them available to those bereaved by suicide. You can find out more on their website.
At the workshop I attended, I met Davina Robertson who founded a charity called After the Storm. Parents bereaved by suicide meet online to share their life journeys, comfort and support each other.
The 3 Dads Walking stopped off in Manchester on their way to Cardiff
For me, the highlight of the day was Angela Samata in conversation with 3 Dads Walking: Mike Palmer, Tim Owen and Andy Airey. Amazing what they have achieved, and the funds they have raised. I am looking forward to meeting Andy at the SBS Barrow event in October and I pounced at the chance to ask a question: “I lost my son Alan to suicide in 2015, and like you, I am a campaigning survivor. Two words exist side by side as I manage my grief... guilt and blame. Do these things affect you, and if they do, how do you manage them?”
All three gave honest and insightful responses with admissions of feelings of guilt and blame to a greater or lesser extent.
Summing up my experience of the day, it was most worthwhile, challenging to my own mental resilience but, on balance, was well worth the emotional investment and cost. Someone once sang “I Will Survive!”
Mother Theresa once said: “You cannot do big things. You can only do small things with great love!” I met people at the conference who are doing big, big things. I will continue doing the small things for as long as I can.
Thank you to Kitty, Amber and Frank for their reports, especially after a challenging day for all of them. They are each happy to answer any queries from other members about their day if you’d like to get in touch via hello@sbs.org.uk. You can also watch a brief highlights video from the conference at Highlights 2022 - YouTube.
One final thing: if you’re suicide bereaved and think that attending next year’s conference would be useful for you and for those you know, please get in touch via hello@sbs.org.uk. We’re keen to continue to invest in members’ training and awareness in the year ahead.
